


i see stars (do you?)

by ynjunwhore



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Adorable Choi Soobin, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Best Friends Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Minor Choi Soobin/Huening Kai, blood (sort of), except yeonbin are fools, kai is cashier baby, soobin doesnt know jun is his soulmate, soobin is in love with yeonjun but doesnt know it yet, yeonjun is a dumb little gay boy with no braincells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynjunwhore/pseuds/ynjunwhore
Summary: Yeonjun bitterly relays the memories of his younger self over and over in his mind, an agonized laugh tearing itself from Yeonjun's throat as he coughs out a fully bloomed rose.The irony. The fuckingirony.The universe likes to fuck with Yeonjun, truly.Because this is justsick.orYeonjun and Soobin are best friends. They're also soulmates, but Soobin doesn't know that.And Yeonjun has known it since he was five.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 32
Kudos: 205





	1. candy sweet (cherry lips)

**Author's Note:**

> just fucking had a dream i fell into a pool and when i told my 6 yr old sister about it she said i was crazy and what the fuck is a soulmark because her friend sharon (?? karen?? sarah??) said she had a soulmark so yeah here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Yeonjun was Soobin's woefully, miserable, gorgeous soulmate.
> 
> And Soobin had no idea.
> 
> (Tough luck.)

Soulmarks are bullshit.

The revelation comes to Yenjun at three in the morning after Soobin has snuck into his pantry and eaten the last fucking tootsie roll -- which, _rude_ , this is Yeonjun's house not a charity -- wide eyed and open mouthed like he didn't just swallow Yeonjun's would-have-been breakfast.

Yeonjun stares at the rose, dim under all that concealer dusted on his wrist, and glares at the vague outline like it's the source of all his problems.

And in a way, it is.

"What in the holiest _fuck_ are you doing in my kitchen at ass o'clock in the morning, _Soobin._ "

It's not so much a question as it is an accusation, and if Yeonjun wasn't so busy mourning the loss of his last tootsie roll, he'd be laughing at the downright _horrified_ look on his best friend's face.

The criminal has the _audacity_ to get on his knees, begging for forgiveness like it'll magically give Yeonjun his tootsie roll back from the unexplored depths of Soobin's stomach.

"Get up you absolute fool, and for fuck's sake stop _raiding_ my kitchen."

Soobin smiles sheepishly, and Yeonjun sighs. "Go back to bed." He says sternly, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "And don't get up again unless its, like, to take a piss or a massive shit."

Soobin slinks away, muttering a _"that's so gross hyung."_ under his breath. Yeonjun responds by throwing an apple at him, and Soobin dashes down the corridor. Fucking hell.

He curses the fact that his soulmate is a cute, idiotic, _glutton_ that just shebanged Yeonjun's food down the vortex of his stomach. And god, why isn't Yeonjun more _pissed_ about it?

Right. Because Soobin is his soulmate and Yeonjun, like an idiot, fell in love with him.

Yeonjun hates soulmarks.

He looks around the kitchen, imagines what it would be like without Soobin here to nag at him everytime he fails a test or misses cheer practice, and feels a pang.

(Some would call it love. Yeonjun calls it foolishness.)

And the best part? Soobin doesn't know Yeonjun is his soulmate.

Because, like the fucking coward he is, Yeonjun never told him. Yeah, yeah, _Yeonjun you shameful little gay boy, how could you?_ He knows -- he's been _lectured_ \-- and it doesn't change anything.

Yeonjun will not tell him. Because how do you go up to your best friend of fifteen years and say, _hey cutie I know we've been friends since forever and you're crushing massively on that cute mickey d's cashier but I just wanna say... you're my long lost soulmate!!_

He can't. And if he hears one more lecture from Beomgyu about how the future is unknown and Jesus didn't get crucified for this he will commit _arson._ And god knows Yeonjun isn't lying.

So he'll just stare as Soobin flirts with the cute, young cashier at Mcdonald's and watch as the cute, young cashier flirts back and will tell Soobin to _just_ ask him _out already_ and will listen as Soobin rants about his beautiful smile and _no I can't_ \--

Because that's what best friends do. 

And Yeonjun is nothing if not a good best friend.

_(Count to three, tennessee. That's it.)_

Yeonjun coughs out his first petal two days after their sleepover.

It hurts. Like a bitch.

Thorns scrape his throat, and his head throbs and _finally_ the bud comes out, and then the leaves with the stem and _fuck it's covered in blood--_

Yeonjun retches, and all he can think about is how maybe he's being too selfish.

He vomits and he vomits and all he thinks about is Soobin and his stupidly handsome face.

That night, Yeonjun dreams of a castle with a dragon.

Except the prince doesn't get the princess.

"The _fuck_ are you doing knocking on my window at," Yeonjun glances at the clock hanging above his bed. "Three in the fucking _morning_ _?_ "

Soobin laughs, a carefree, happy thing that makes Yeonjun take a second look at him. Cheeks flushed from the long run, bright eyes starry with a lovesick look, a huge smile on his lips. And Yeonjun just _knows._ He swallows, tasting something bitter on his tongue.

Maybe it's the words he blurts out afterwards that taste of sorrow, "You asked him out, didn't you?"

Or maybe it's his heart breaking in two.

Soobin laughs again, his head peeking through the window to look around Yeonjun's dark room. "Your parents aren't here right?" He asks eagerly, his puppy dog eyes _begging_ Yeonjun to listen to more of his loving rambles about Kai and his _beautiful_ eyes, or his _amazing_ cooking and Yeonjun just can't —

"Sorry, I can't. I'm busy." He says flatly.

Soobin gapes at him for a few seconds, then closes his mouth and frowns. " _Clearly_." He says coldly, looking pointedly at the messy bed and empty desk.

Yeonjun swallows again, digs his heel into the ground and bites his tongue so it can't betray him because _god damn you coward just tell him._ He drops his eyes to the ground, and blinks back the tears.

"Look I just— I'm tired and— _please_ Soobin."

Silence.

And then -- "Alright." Soobin says softly. "Just.. call me when you feel better, okay?"

Yeonjun nods, already knowing that he _won't._ Because Soobin deserves his cute dates and his lovely smiles and Yeonjun just _can't_ take that away from him.

So he nods and smiles and fades into the background of Soobin's life.

Because he's a good best friend.

He ignores the little whisper in his mind that says, _'being his best friend doesn't mean giving up everything just for him to be happy'_ and mentally pats the voice that reassures him, _'but that's love for you.'_

Yeonjun hates himself. Yeonjun hates soulmarks. Yeonjun hates Soobin and he hates that cute cashier that goes by the name _Huening Kai._

Sometimes, Yeonjun really wonders if his heart isn't black.

But then -- he reminds himself. It can't be black if he still has enough energy left to love Soobin. And _oh,_ Yeonjun is _tired._ Tired of loving someone who will never love him back. Tired of pretending like every missed chance doesn't feel like a dagger through his chest.

But he smiles. Because that's what people expect of Choi Yeonjun.

Because that's what Soobin expects of Choi Yeonjun.

Yeonjun has had his mark since he can remember.

When he was five, he was young and impressionable. Ooh-ing and Aah-ing at the love filled fairytale his parents spun of their first meeting. He'd look at them, and his little kid mouth would blurt out, "Will I have a soulmate?"

His parents would chuckle, look at each other, and hold his tiny pinky in theirs. "We promise, you will."

When he met Soobin, a lonely boy playing in the sandbox in the school playground, he felt an itching on his wrist. He thought nothing of it, until four year old Soobin pointed it out with a giggle. "I like your drawing! Did you do it?"

Lo and behold, a rose, bright pink with soft looking petals and little thorns poking out from the stem, printed on his wrist. He'd gaped at it, completely astonished at how such a _pretty thing_ looking so _perfect_ had just appeared out of nowhere and was now stamped on his wrist.

He'd glanced at Soobin, had seen the same rose poking out from his neck, and decided to keep that tidbit of information to himself. Later, he would ask his parents what _exactly_ was going on, _why_ he and Soobin had the same drawing on different parts of each other.

_"He's your soulmate Yeonjun. But don't tell him just yet. Let it be a surprise."_

And he'd hidden it under long sleeves and oversized sweaters, under bandaids carefully placed and bandages wrapped around his wrist until he finally learned about the wonder called _concealer._

(Coincidentally he'd learned about eyeshadow and mascara and thousands of others things that everyone called _makeup._ And Yeonjun had started wearing it because _fuck_ gender stereotypes.)

So Yeonjun was Soobin's woefully, miserable, gorgeous soulmate.

And Soobin had no idea.

(Tough luck.)

He'd hidden it and now it was too late and _fuck_ now that he's getting coffee he see the cashier and Soobin _flirting_ again --

"Hey, hyung!"

Yeonjun turns, forcing his feet to shuffle away from the door (his only fucking _escape_ ) and towards Soobin and cashier baby. He plasters a totally not fake smile on his lips and greets cashier baby with a simple, "hello." 

Cashier baby's eyes go wide, and Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. He imagines himself as elegant, graceful, completely nonchalant.

Yeah, no.

"Wow, um, hi! You're binnie hyung's best friend, huh?" 

_binnie hyung._

Yeonjun forces a chuckle, eyes darting around the mickey d's messy as shit tables and walls. Like they might suddenly start tap dancing and save him from his misery. But nope, no such luck.

"Yeah." He says curtly. He catches the way Soobin narrows his eyes, and tries for a friendly smile. "And you're the boy he keeps ranting to me about at four in the morning, huh?" He teases.

Kai flushes, and Yeonjun feels terrible. Because really, he can _see_ the appeal. Kai is innocent -- pure and untouched even as he works in a shithole of a place. He's bright and cheery and _oh shit fuck mary mother of jesus --_

He's like a _younger_ version of Yeonjun.

The coffee threatens to come back up and it's all Yeonjun can do to not run out of there like his sweater's on fire.

_But it's okay._

_He'll get over it._

_(No he won't.)_

Yeonjun bitterly relays the memories of his younger self over and over in his mind, an agonized laugh tearing itself from Yeonjun's throat as he coughs out a fully bloomed rose.

The irony. The fucking _irony._

The universe likes to fuck with Yeonjun, truly.

Because this is just _sick._

Sleepovers are a _bitch._

"... hey Soobin?"

Soobin turns to face him, his face pale in the moonlight, and Yeonjun forgets to breath for a second.

"Hyung?"

Yeonjun flushes, and Soobin laughs quietly, glancing at the door and waiting for someone to bust in and warn them that _if you guys don't sleep right now I swear I'll drop you both in a cage full of tigers and you'll see what it's like to be responsible then --_

"Sorry." Yeonjun whispers. "It's just..." He pauses, eyes searching Soobin's face for something he doesn't find.

"Do you... ever wonder who your soulmate is?"

Soobin stills, his smile fading as he sighs and shrugs, his eyes darker -- unhappy. "Not really. I mean, who's to say they'll even _like_ me?" He makes a wild gesture with his hands and Yeonjun's mind briefly goes to the gutter before Soobin clarifies. "What if they're a _psycho killer chainsaw madman?_ "

Yeonjun snorts -- he can't help it. Soobin glares at him for a second before busting into laughter, and the tense moment melts into something Yeonjun will forever treasure, a soft thing that makes Yeonjun wonder if the universe likes to tease him, showing him what _could be_ and wiping it away in the blink of an eye.

"But," Soobin continues like the laugh and soft smiles never happened. Like Yeonjun won't examine every part of that wonderful moment and replay every piece of it until he nearly goes insane. "No. I don't care who my soulmate is. I've already got a wonderful boyfriend, anyways. No soulmate will change that."

Yeonjun nods and smiles and congratulates him because that's what best friends do.

That's what soulmates do.

He listens to Soobin rant about everything and nothing, his voice barely a murmur in the dark night. Listens as his breathing evens out and his chest rises and falls in a paced pattern. His mouth falls open a little, just enough for little puffs of air to be heard once in a while.

Yeonjun's eyes blur with held back tears, with wanting and longing and pure _pain_ that Soobin doesn't deserve to see. Soobin deserves _good things_ that won't marr him like they've affected Yeonjun. That won't gve him nightmares that make him shiver in fear and cry out for a monster that isn't there.

For a brief second, Yeonjun imagines that he and Soobin _are_ together and they don't face pain and Yeonjun never met the cute cashier baby and --

Yeonjun swallows. "I'm sorry." He whispers, landing a light kiss to Soobin's cheek.

_"I'm sorry I got in the way."_

A few moments later, a bloodied petal falls on his lap.

Thursday nights are _supposed_ to be best friend nights. Just two guys, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they're not _gay._

Kai was never supposed to be a part of the equation.

But then again, Yeonjun reminds himself, love makes people do all kinds of crazy things. Like coincidentally choosing not to tell your soulmate he's your soulmate for years and suffering in silence while he falls in love with a cute highschooler--

But that's for another day.

Today, Yeonjun is determined to have fun.

He meets the couple at the indoor pool that somehow (Yeonjun's afraid to ask) Soobin has access to. It's freaky clean, and Yeonjun is practically drooling as he dances around the edges, eager to get in.

Soobin seems amused, and he rolls his eyes when Yeonjun turns around to look at him, eyes wide and bright and filled with a _pleading_ look that lesser men have fallen prey to. "Get in." Soobin says in an exhale of a breath. " _Before_ you piss yourself in excitement."

Yeonjun grins deviously, and Kai laughs as he throws himself in with a cry of pleasure. "Oh my god Soobin bless your virgin mary heart. I _love_ you." He swims around with a grin on his lips, unaware of the way Soobin freezes, his eyes widening.

Because words hold meaning, and being cautious has never crossed Yeonjun's mind.

And Soobin is one hell of a sentimental bitch.

Yeonjun dunks himself in the water, resurfacing a few moments later with his bubblegum pink hair dripping, edges stuck to Yeonjun's back and shoulders. "Bless you Soobin." He sighs out.

Soobin flashes him a smile, and Kai shuffles uncertainly as he follows Soobin to the edge, both of them easing into the water like it's infested with sharks or something. _Honestly._ They're taller than Yeonjun, practically _giants,_ and scared of a little water.

Yeonjun suddenly remembers -- Soobin can't _swim._

And then... nothing.

Because Kai has just fucking pushed Soobin away from the edge of the pool and Soobin can't fucking _swim_ and oh god did that _idiot_ not tell his _boyfriend...?_

Yeonjun lunges for him, helping him towards the edge again as Soobin hacks out water, inhaling air gratefully. And Kai his frozen on his spot, his eyes wide wide wide like a deer's and his mouth gaping. Yeonjun nearly snaps at him because _look what you did you idiot_ but he reigns in his temper.

Soobin would not appreciate Yeonjun yelling at his boyfriend.

So they swim and play and Soobin smiles and laughs, and Yeonjun pretends like it never happened.

But it eats at him. 

Because if Yeonjun _was_ Soobin's boyfriend, he'd take care of him. He'd do everything to keep him safe and make him happy.

But he's not Soobin's boyfriend 

So he stays quiet.

And after, when he's alone in his own bathroom, head bent over the toilet bowl, he coughs and coughs and can't stop--

He sits there, on the floor, as the petals amount on the toilet. Overflowing. Yeonjun laughs bitterly, drowning in the soft, perfumed petals of his own _love._

Yeonjun has always been masochist, anyways.

They've broken up.

Soobin knocks at his window at three am, yet again, and Yeonjun feels weak enough to just let him in. Soobin doesn't cry, doesn't even tear up.

He thumbs through a copy of _Junie B. Jones_ and says casually, "I broke up with Kai." Like he'd just finished making cookies for his grandma. Yeonjun's head snaps up and he's grateful for the darkness because he _really_ doesn't want Soobin to see the excited flush spreading across his cheeks.

"Why?" He asks wearily.

Soobin shrugs, and in that tiny, tense movement, Yeonjun catches the hurt and disappointment Soobin is trying so hard to hide. Yeonjun wonders _why_ Soobin is hiding it, why he won't let Yeonjun see what he _really_ feels.

They are best friends... aren't they?

"It just," Soobin maies a vague motion with his hand that Yeonjun _thinks_ is scissors making a cut but he isn't really sure in the darkness. "It didn't work out."

Yeonjun nods, laying a hand solemnly on Soobin's shoulder. "Okay bunny," He says wryly. "Now cut the crap and tell me what the _fuck_ happened."

Soobin's lower lip trembles for a second, and Yeonjun briefly wonders if it was the wrong thing to say when--

"He likes someone else." Soobin blurts out.

The silence is unnerving for a few seconds, and then Soobin laughs. Fake, bright, horrible. A sick feeling starts in Yeonjun's stomach.

"I thought he genuinely liked me y'know? But it turns out he's just trying to get over this other guy and _really_ I don't know _what_ I expected because of _course_ a cute guy like that would have his heart taken by someone else. Someone _better_ than me and—"

Yeonjun slaps a hand over Soobin's mouth, silencing him. "And," Yeonjun murmurs lowly. "Someone who _isn't_ as caring and wonderful as you. Someone who doesn't notice the litfle details about a person and someone who doesn't get to know a person like you do."

Yeonun drops his hand, surprised to find his own eyes filled with tears. "Someone who isn't as _good_ as you."

Soobin stares at him, his eyes bright, his cheeks flushed, a look of sickly new adoration etched over his features.

His eyes flick towards Yeonjun's hand, and the flush fades, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Hyung."

Soobin grabs his wrist, turning it over to stare at the pretty pink rose printed onto Yeonjun's skin.

"That's— that's my mark."


	2. frightened, i guess that you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's _bullshit_ and you know it." Soobin hisses.
> 
> Yeonjun blinks away tears, his anger bubbling. He's sacrificed everything for Soobin, has given Soobin his all, and _this_ is the thanks he gets?
> 
> "Go to hell." Yeonjun spits out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god the feedback on the last chapter i 🥺

Soobin often has second thoughts about, well, pretty much _everything._

Yeonjun has always been the decisive one, walking a thin line between rash and smart. He's quick to anger -- a bomb just waiting to blow its fuse. But Soobin has always been there to disarm him.

Until now.

Eyes wide, lips trembling, his face pale as he asks Yeonjun _why?_ And pain. So much pain. Written in every shake of his hands, ever twist of his lips and every flicker of his eyes. Yeonjun has never seen so much pain practically _consume_ a person.

And Yeonjun is the cause. The instigator. 

The one at fault.

"I'm _sorry_ Soobin I swear it wasn't on purpose it just sort of happened and I don't know you were so _happy_ and fuck I didn't wanna _ruin_ that—"

Soobin holds up a shaky finger, his body hunching in on itself. Awkwardly trying to make himself disappear even when it's practically impossible -- when Soobin is _all_ Yeonjun can see.

"Tell me—" Soobin swallows, his eyes looking anywhere but at Yeonjun. "Tell me _why._ And don't lie because I'll fucking know if you do." Those eyes, always warm and bright and inviting, turn up to look at Yeonjun.

Cold as ice, hard as diamonds. Yeonjun's heart _breaks._

"I just," Yeonjun chokes down the vile threatening to rise up his throat, no doubt carrying a flower with it. "I wanted you to be _happy,_ y'know? And I never told you because it just didn't seem like the right time, but the right time never came and I just—"

Yeonjun looks at his hands, suddenly aware of how hard he's been digging his nails into his palms, tiny pinpricks of blood sprouting up from the crescents. 

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and then Soobin grabs his arm roughly. His grip harsh, but the look in his eyes even harsher. Cutting deeper than any knife.

"That's _bullshit_ and you know it." Soobin hisses.

Yeonjun blinks away the tears, anger bubbling. He's sacrificed everything for Soobin, has given Soobin his all, and _this_ is the thanks he gets?

"Go to hell." Yeonjun spits out.

Soobin looks at him with the most pained, hateful glare he can manage, and Yeonjun's heart squeezes painfully.

"I'm already there." Soobin says tiredly.

Yeonjun bites down on his tongue, steels himself for the (probable) oncoming flurry of violence, and says, "I'm not going to repeat myself twice, Soobin. So listen up, and listen up _good._ "

He picks at his shirt, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. A breath that hurts, because he knows he's selfish and a coward and _god_ he really doesn't deserve someone as _good_ as Soobin--

"You're right." He says with a bitter laugh that reminds him of nights spent hunched over the sink, palms cradling the soft petals that signified the disease choking the life out of him, and he could do _nothing_ about it. "I'm bullshitting you. Just like I've lying to myself for the past few years."

He sighs, suddenly feeling so _tired._ He doesn't have much left to give, and this -- this, the truth that Soobin is asking for, is the last piece of himself. After today, he'll have _nothing._ He'll just be a broken, shadowed husk of a boy that once was.

"I— I didn't tell you because I was _scared._ Scared that you'd shut me out, that you'd do what you always said you would do when you met your soulmate. Tell me that just because I was your soulmate, it didn't mean you'd drop everything to be with me.

I don't _know_ Soobin. I was so _goddamned_ scared that I'd take away your only source of happiness, and _then_ what? You'd hate me forever. I couldn't do that. Because I... because I love you."

Yeonjun slumps down on the bed when he says those last few words, the last thing he has to give, the only thing that his heart had been _waiting_ to say for years. And now that it's out -- nothing.

He feels... nothing.

He's empty.

And Soobin leaves him, broken and alone, to cough out the rose stuck in his throat.

A bitter, sick feeling spreads in his chest and he thinks, _this is it._

_This is the end._

Yeonjun is scared of the dark.

It's foolish, idiotic really, but he can't _help_ it. It's so consuming, so absolute, that he feels powerless. Fearful. Afraid of the unknown. That's what it is.

Yeonjun _hates_ being clueless. 

He's also scared of being alone.

But he understands that Soobin needs time. Understands that the betrayal, coming from his own _best friend,_ cuts deep, and wounds take time to heal. Except -- Yeonjun isn't sure if this one will ever heal.

He doesn't tell Soobin that.

The days pass by slowly, Yeonjun doesn't sleep. When he does, he wakes up from nightmares too cruel and harsh for his brain to deal with, so he decides the better option is to just not sleep at all.

Something Yeonjun learns in the time he spends without Soobin; Soulmarks are filled with colors that brighten every day. Now, Yeonjun's mark is _drained._ Nothing more than a shadow of pink, a faded color that Yeonjun had to squint to see.

And he knows Soobin's mark probably looks like that too. It's like the universe is waving a big, bright red flag in their faces telling them to _get your shit together fuckers. I swear on my momma's grave--_

But Yeonjun doesn't want to make things worse, so he gives Soobin his space. The much need space used for swallowing down pills that taste of betrayal and lies.

For a week, it's heavy, ignorant silence that hurts like a hot iron pressed against bare skin. And then _jesus mary christ_ Yeonjun has not had coffee in _days_ and _thank god_ for 24/7 grocery stores.

He reaches for the coffee and--

"Hyung?" That familiar voice calls, more of a reflex than anything else.

Yeonjun jerks back, his head snapping up to stare at Soobin, whose body stands frozen in an aisle not too far from Yeonjun. He swallows, wishing he hadn't decided to come _today_ of all days and _fuck he's ruining everything again isn't he--_

"You— you look like shit." Soobin breaths out, his eyes wide, his lips pursed. Yeonjun laughs a little at that, a sound he didn't know he could still make. "Yeah well," Yeonjun ducks his head bashfully. "You know about the nightmares."

Soobin looks stricken, and Yeonjun can tell that yeah, _he hadn't thought about that in a while._ "But it's okay." Yeonjun says quickly. "I don't have them very often." _Because I don't sleep very often,_ is left unsaid.

But Soobin is ever so observant, and it's pretty impossible to miss the bags under Yeonjun's eyes.

He feels a familiar tickle start in his throat and he knows it's time to get the _hell_ out of there. "Look Soobin," He mutters. "It was nice seeing you. Let me know if you ever forgive me."

He rushes out of the store, aware of the coffee left behind in the store, of the way his words sounded _too_ sharp at those last words, and promptly forgets everything as he throws up in a parking lot. The rose comes out slick, covered in almost nothing because _fuck Yeonjun hasn't eaten all day--_

He blinks through the tears clouding his vision, and kicks the rose.

 _Fuck you,_ he thinks as he walks away. _It's all your fault._

_It's all your fault._

The next time they see each other, Yeonjun knows Soobin planned it.

Soobin knows Yeonjun down to his favorite type of chocolate and what type of guys he likes, so it's no surprise that he knows Yeonjun will go to Burger King because Yeonjun knows Soobin usually spends his time at mickey d's.

Yeah, it's... _complicated._

Soobin comes in a few seconds after Yeonjun, and Yeonjun's heart does that little squeezed dance that makes his head hurt and his brain shut down. "Soobin." He says simply, as a greeting more than anything.

Soobin nods at him, then proceeds to order the biggest fucking burger because, again, he's a _glutton._

"What are you doing here?"

The question stops Soobin short, and a blinding smile is sent Yeonjun's way before Soobin answers. "Getting food, _duh_." Soobin says mockingly.

At any other time, Yeonjun might have scoffed and called him a fat pig, but now? It seems a little daring.

A limit that Yeonjun is not yet willing to cross. Not so soon after... all that.

"M'kay." Yeonjun mutters, sliding into a table and hoping against hope that Soobin doesn't choose it too. 

Don't get him wrong, it's not that he suddenly _hates_ Soobin or wants him _dead._ (Yeonjun could cry just thinking about it.) He's goddamned _terrified._ Scared of how much it will _hurt_ when Soobin leaves again, when his absence tears an even bigger hole in Yeonjun's heart.

He's not ready for it to end -- for _them_ to end.

("Your soulmate is going to be _so_ lucky to have you." Soobin whines as he clings onto Yeonjun's arm, seventeen and still oblivious to Yeonjun's flushed cheeks.

"Duh." Yeonjun says with a playful roll of his eyes. "I'm stupid hot. I'm _me._ " He pokes at Soobin's cheek, a dumb warmth flaring up in his chest at the way he now has to look _up_ at Soobin.

"But," He says softly. "I'll always be _your_ best friend." His hands intertwine with Soobin's, and his brain goes fuzzy.

"I promise."

 _Promises are meant to be broken, anyways._ )

And because god has a personal vendetta against Yeonjun -- Soobin sits down next to him. 

"So." Soobin starts casually.

Yeonjun coughs up a petal.

It falls slowly, teasingly, each swift swing of it feeling like a serrated knife reopening old wounds. He stares at it, disbelieving, as the perfumed scent, tinged with the metallic smell of blood, spreads in the air.

The sillence -- _god_ the _silence._

Yeonjun looks up at soobin, tearing his eyes away from the petal now resting on the unopened box that has his burger in it. More if a flicker of his gaze than anything else, but it's enough to catch the expression on Soobin's face.

More than enough to catch the _horror_ in his eyes.

Heart crumping like a paper ball, tears running down his rosy cheeks, Yeonjun runs out.

He runs and runs and he doesn't even want to stop--

The wind blowing in his face doesn't judge him. And that's all Yeonjun can ask for.

Two days later, a knock on his window startles him as he scrolls through twitter.

He considers ignoring the noise, because has a (larger, all consuming) suspicion of who it is, but he opens it anyways. Yeonjun is a _weak, weak_ man, and he's always enjoyed suffering more than any other sane person.

"Hi." Soobin says breathlessly, his face flushed, his windbreaker halfway down his shoulders.

Yeonjun shudders, and it has _nothing_ to do with the breeze flowing into his room.

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow, pretending nonchalance he doesn't feel. Pretending that he doesn't want to throw himself off the empire state building and end up smeared all over the concrete. " _Why_ are you here?" He asks, his voice sharp, ringing with pure _hurt._

Soobin struggles with words for a few seconds, looking every bit the adorable idiot Yeonjun used to always coo over. Now, Yeonjun feels like someone hit him in the gut and forced him to eat dirt. It feels... _wrong._ Wrong in every sense of the word.

A _mistake._

"I just..." Soobin shuffles his feet awkwardly. "I wanted to talk about the _other_ day." He says pointedly.

Yeonjun tries for a easy laugh. It comes out too high pitched, too hysterical. "There is _nothing_ to talk about." He says simply.

Soobin shakes his head, and his eyes bore into Yeonjun's accusingly. "We are going to talk about it, whether you want to or not." He says stubbornly, chin jutting out, eyes glinting defiantly. Yeonjun wants to kiss him _senseless._

"No! You are _going_ to leave right _now,_ " Yeonjun mutters lowly, his eyes dark and dangerous. "And we are _going_ to _pretend_ like that day and this conversation never hmph—"

Soobin lunges forward, his hand gripping Yeonjun's frailer wrist tightly in his (big, huge, amazingly long fingered) hand. His lips press against Yeonjun's insistently, a pressure that manages to convey _so much_ in one tiny, otherwise insignificant action.

But it changes _everything._ For both Yeonjun and Soobin.

And then Yeonjun remembers to kiss back. Because, _duh,_ kissing takes two to actually _happen._

 _'I'm sorry I was so stupid.'_ The kiss says. _'I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.'_

_'I forgive you.'_

It's hard to remember his own name, what time it is, why the _fuck_ Soobin was pissed in the first place. Nothing matters. They're _okay_ \-- they're _fine._

And Yeonjun cries. Tiny droplets that gather in his eyes and roll down his cheeks, tasting of salt and hurt and _we're okay I love you so much please never leave--_

Pain has never felt so good. 

"Now _why_ would you do that?" Yeonjun grumbles, his eyes sparkling as he mutters, _"traitor"_ under his breath. Soobin cackles evilly, his hand moving under Yeonjun's shirt, fingertips skimming his back softly.

Yeonjun yelps and giggles, losing his balance as he tries to move away from Soobin.

Beomgyu shrieks a loud, " _Fuck yeah, victory is mine!_ " And Yeonjun pouts, his cherry red lips turning down and _oh no he's sad don't be sad--_

Beomgyu gives him a look full of disbelief as he plants a loving kiss on Yeonjun's pretty lips, smiling when his eyes light up with stars and galaxies.

 _'Whipped.'_ Beomgyu mouths.

And Soobin just doesn't care.

_(Yeonjun kept his promise. And that's all Soobin has ever wanted.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am just. sitting here
> 
> anyways as a side note!! pls pls pls dont try to degrade the worth of this fic just because i write nsfw fics as well. that's fucking disgusting, and i will not fucking stand by it any longer. especially in my own ccs.
> 
> no matter how much you hate nsfw content, it doesnt give you the right to go and threaten someone, send gore videos, or slowly pressure them into self harming.
> 
> thats fucking wrong.


End file.
